Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
only you would photoshop your dick
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
