Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
