Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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