What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
