I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
