someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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