remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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