I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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