You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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