dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
