i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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