theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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