He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
