oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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