Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
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I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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