God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
