Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
