Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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