You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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