I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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