two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
