Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
