Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize