The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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