totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize