she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
