alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
