I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I checked into jail on foursquare
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
