he was CRYING into my vagina
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
