You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
