Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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