who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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