We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
