i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
