He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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