Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
