I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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