I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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