sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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