I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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