so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
