look no pants
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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