Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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