so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
