After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize