I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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