I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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