i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
