Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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