Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize