So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
