you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
