my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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