her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
