i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
