he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
