this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
