Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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