I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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