Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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