remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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