so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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