I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
